The groom is expected to present an entirely inoffensive, heartfelt and sincere speech. Sometimes this can be harder than it seems – especially when looking at modern families and relationships. Fifty years ago weddings were fairly straightforward, and the biggest issue was usually whether or not the bride was pregnant – easy to avoid completely in the wedding speech.
These days there are lots of little tricks and hurdles that can pop up and make it difficult to compose a speech that will be inclusive and accepted well. If you or your bride has divorced parents, things can get complicated. If you add in the step parents to the mix then you’re looking at potentially 8 parents to thank, without offending any of them.
One of the best ways to do this is to thank the biological parents and then their partners on each side. The order should be bride’s mother, father, their partners, your mother, father and their partners. This means everyone is included in the thanks but your parents will not feel like a new partner gets higher billing. It’s much more personal if you name partners, as this makes them feel like they are as important as anyone else who is thanked specifically. If all parents and their spouses get on well then you might think it’s ok to thank couple by couple, but don’t. Even though it may appear like it’s fine to do this, there are chances that the biological parent who goes second could feel a bit offended.
Same sex parents can sometimes cause conflict too, especially if the other family is conservative. However, they need to be acknowledged just like any other couple and if you’re concerned about offending the other parents, then perhaps a good idea is to sit down with them ahead of the day and explain that they get equal billing as the two people who raised you or your bride to be. You don’t need to refer to someone as your mother, just by name is fine.
There are many more issues confronting the modern groom but the best thing to do is try to find a way around it ahead of time, and don’t go into the process with your fingers crossed, hoping for the best.
